Proxy #1 Cancelled, "Aya Purple"

**Full Disclosure, this entry is more for me and is meant to be cathartic. I have no where else to express this or tell this story, so I'd like to do it here. In no way, shape or form do you have to upvote or read this entry. I thank you for your time if you do read through this slog and if you have similar stories, I would really like to hear them... Really would. I feel like I'm crazy pills and need to know I'm not the only one dealing with/seeing these people....right? Anywho...** This will be the final entry for all four girls (Glookies, VK, GZ and Aya P) on their 49th day, w/ one or two final photos I managed to take. There has been a falling out and I have been ostensibly used and abused (hustled as @Med_in_tropic would say). This entry will be copy/pasted between journals as I'd only like to do this once...I don't want to think about it anymore😓. This will be less about the plants and more of a warning for other growers attempting to do what I have been doing. I'd like to go over some pieces of the story that lead me here and share "Red Flags" with the community that we should all be looking out for, before jumping into a project with someone else... We will be calling this person "Person 1" throughout this entry, along with "Person 2" the spouse of Person 1. The Deets: Initial Project Plan, Agreements and Task Delegation (Spoken word contract with other individual): -The unit and equipment used were discussed and Takeoff's were done my by myself to build his unit with all devices, cords, equipment and misc. good's he would need to start a proper grow. No research on the part of "Person 1" was performed. Down to the nutrients and mediums chosen, "person 1" did not participate other then making the payment for the goods. -I agreed to start all four specimens at my location as he "did not have the time for early propagation". This is a common theme... I provided top tier Barney's genetics, 2 gallon fabrics and soil mediums, propagating these until 'Week 4' at which time I planned to transfer these kids to their new home. "Person 1" was not involved in any way shape or form. When asked to come observe his new kids, he refused as "he was busy..." All correspondence was done via text message even though he literally lives 2.5 minutes from me. (Red Flag #1) -"Person #1" Had agreed to take my reading material and project notes for review so he would have a basic understanding of the process. He received grow bibles by both Jorge Cervantis and Greg Green (120 dollars in text). He put it on his cupboard. Four weeks later, it was still on his cupboard, un-cracked. The post it notes I have in those books alone are gold...and direct myself and anyone reading to pertinent information, definitions and proper propagation procedures. (Red Flag #2). -"Person #1" became upset at me when questioned as to why he had not read anything I had given him. I expressed concern that without a base knowledge coming into his first grow, things would not go well. I explained that we have individual responsibilities to self learn and refine our own methods. His response "I do not like to read. I would prefer if you sent short article's, charts, pictures etc... This is how I learn". Okay, revamp. Started to link articles and charts pertaining to basic propagation, deficiencies to look for, lighting levels, VPD charts etc... Several days later I quizzed him on the information shared. "I didn't read it, I was busy" and "I think I prefer being shown and told what to do". Okay, another revamp with one on one instruction. Person #1 took very few opportunities to learn with me, one on one. Multiple opportunities for feeding lessons, pH balancing, training lessons, testing lessons etc... were mostly ignored. There was an excuse for everything. -This led me to a very frustrating break down (mentally). We were having major plant issues but person #1 was of no help and was compounding the problems by over/under watering at every interval, even with direct instructions not to do so (feeding gallon of water, not properly balanced at two hours before lights out when asked for at least 8 hours of transpiration before lights off). -Plants were in a bad way, I was being ignored and I had to walk away to assess where I stand. After one week I decided I couldn't' abandon the girls. They were mine, not his, and every last procedure and action was taken by me....in his tent...in his house...where he lives. I came back with new boundaries and was very civil in expressing my concerns about the project, his accountability, lack of ambition and continuous plant damage. I pleaded with him that I NEED him and can't do this alone, that I can't spend 2-3 hours every second day fixing his mistakes and/or propagating the plants. I needed him to take the reigns on key responsibilities that were must's, not "if you have the time". -Agreement came and I went back to work. Person 1 showed a change in attitude for a whole 4 days, before reverting back to all the above** I was left alone to bring them back...and I did. 2 weeks, three procedures and 16 hours later, the girls picked up, deficiencies were tackled, pH was swung back into place and plant growth became exponential. -Person 1 fought me daily on his agreed upon tasks and continually/seemingly tried to twist my arm into doing everything he needed to be doing. Invited me over for a "smoke session" just to redirect me to the plants, asking me to feed/train/etc... for him. Made "jokes" about just giving me a sleeping bag so I could take care of them myself... This is where things degraded quickly. His comments woke me up. -I came to the very late revelation that Person 1 had no intention of growing Cannabis, he was interested in free weed without the work. Person 1 decided that buying the equipment needed was as far as he would go and was responsible for. Anything after the fact was on me, but this wasn't the agreement... I was completely on my own, in their chaotic/mentally unwell home/family, stuck in the basement trying my best to focus on the plants and not what was happening around me. **Straw That Broke the Camel's Back** October 20th was the end and I had lost all faith/hope for a positive outcome to this project and this friendship. I had estimated the dry time of two girls for Monday and instructed him multiple times via text, phone and in person, that the soil retention needed to be checked and if the moisture probe came back 1-2, we needed to feed right away (This was over 4 days and I drilled it into his head that there was no "if" but when they're dry, we need to move. I explained that we just went through hell and back, explained the aforementioned effort and time I put into these plants to get them back to where they are now and finally, that we could not afford more mistakes as the stress these girls had been put under was getting to a dangerous level. They needed care and attention from him, for once. HE AGREED! Monday morning I ask if he checked, "No, busy, will do later". Asked in afternoon, "Nope, busy will definitely do later👍. Will send pictures and updates". Nothing came in that night. A final text was sent at 7 PM when I know he's in his garage toking up, but he ghosted me. -Tuesday he contacts me and asks if I wanna hang out (He previously said he was unavailable Tuesday and he would talk to me Wednesday with an update on the girls). I go over to his house and within 3 minutes he starts directing me to the basement... ya, I saw where this was going and my anxiety spiked. Long story short, he did not check those plants over a span of the agreed upon 40hrs he had to do so. Nor do I think he had even looked at them or been in the grow room for 48 hours (he was off work too btw...). He opens the tent and my heart sunk. Aya Purple and Gorilla were in complete shambles, wilting and actively suffering. All I could muster was "why man, just...why would you allow this?". Person 1 "I was busy/I didn't know/I don't know how"... I snapped inside but tried very hard not to show it. He wanted me to stay and feed the plants the nutrient schedule he had promised to apply 24-36 hours prior. I said no, it's too late in the day now and dropping 3 gallons of water on them, especially in this state was not a good idea. Asked him to prime the plants with 500-750ml of balanced tap to carry them into the next day where I!!!! would have to apply the new schedule (he conveniently worked the next day and couldn't do it... was busy...😭) -I let myself out very quickly and explained I was tired and had my own crap too do. I let myself calm down and then wrote a extremely civil email sharing my feelings about how things were going. I explained my mental health was not good, that our relationship was being strained, promises were not being kept and that I felt like I was being used. I pleaded once again for his help and that I couldn't do this on my own, especially with all the new projects I'm trying to get on the go for myself (which he knows is very, very important too me). I asked for accountability and for a more active roll in the process. If you think I was asking a lot, I wasn't. I asked for him to look at the plants every day, test how dry they were and report any issues. Would take all but 3-5 minutes of his time. He did not reply. -We spoke later on in the evening, but not in regards to the plants or my message, but rather, he wanted something. My dumbass decided to help them with a product return and I!!!! did an email correspondence to rectify the product issue😂😂 (Wtf is wrong with me man. That's not sarcasm. I'm a friggin push over). Anywho, I let him know I had resolved HIS issue and he was getting a new 80 dollar unit sent to his home, through me and my efforts over 4 days, hahaha. No nothing, just said "well, who's paying the shipping (5 dollars)". Do you want the free replacement I worked to get, worth 80 bucks? This actually hurt man. All that work for him to disregard the effort and bitch about 5 dollars (which he didn't have to pay for, btw...). -Next day I was tasked with feeding the girls now, as the previous day was a wash and where I asked him to Prime the soil. His spouse (Person #2) has not been mentioned throughout this yet, but trust me when I say, she is an equal road block to this project and was key in exacerbating my poor mental health and negative self esteem. Her life is chaos, simple as that. Constant case of the "Poor me's" and the world done me wrong. All negative and I would be cornered by her with relentless anger about whatever the hell she was on about that day. She was on work leave and was home alllllllllll the tiiiiiiiiiiiiime. There was no escape from her and holy shit was it anxiety inducing just walking into that house. -Whenever Person #1 deemed his feelings hurt, he wouldn't talk to me, he talked to "Person #2" who validated him and convinced him he had done no wrong and I was a super meanie. Any and all issues I brought of with Person #1 were fielded by Person #2 because he could not justify his actions and needed his SO to fight these battles (this and every other battle he faces). -Anywho, walk into the home and it was instant confrontation. Her back against the wall, tone and attitude geared up and looking for a fight. I didn't even make it to the stairs before she was yelling at me about how selfish I was, how pathetic I was, how I was the fucked up one, and on and on. You can take a wild guess about the very nice things she said to me. I tried to counter, but she likes the "whoever speaks louder is correct" tactic, so I picked up my gear and started walking out. She then screamed at me and asked where I was going, lol! She fully expected me to go to work on the plants after being verbally abused for 5 minutes😅😅. WTF! LOL! On leaving she said a few funny things to which I quipped back before shutting that door for good. "We don't know what we're doing!", "This was supposed to be FUN!" and "But we bought the equipment!". I said you're right, you don't know anything. I have spoon fed you everything you need to be successful but you rejected it. 8 weeks of extensive talks, practicum and teaching and you still don't know what you're doing? That's not on me. And is this fun for you? It must be fun watching plants grow without putting in any of the effort. How is this fun for me, going out of my way to grow your plants, in your home where I would get a 1/4 of harvest. Wooooooow, what a sweet frigging deal. You guys are so generous. Finally, yes, you bought the equipment and it's clear that's as far as you were willing to go. Anything after the fact, like the actual propagation of these plants was uninteresting to you and I see now you had expected me to do this in full, even with our prior agreements. Getting far too long and I'm gonna wrap er' up. I'm out, I have not been back and I gave up some material and equipment cause I just don't even want to see their greedy, selfish and condescending faces anymore. The plants are gone. They ostensibly stole 4 stellar plants at 7.5 weeks into Veg and ready to flip and my tents are empty... Before blocking both their numbers and email addresses, he sent one last comment that I feel bothered me the most. "We don't need you, we can figure this out ourselves". This means he was always capable, but chose to be lazy, unaccountable and useless. My final response via text was "I should hope so. I've brought them back to heath and they're on cruise control. You fuck it up, you'd have to be an idiot. And make no mistake, if you bring these to end game, they are and were never your plants. Enjoy the fruits of my labor". Done deal, blocked and no further correspondence. Conclusion: I'm very upset with myself but I'm coming to accept what has transpired and am getting back to where I! need to be. Proxy project #2 has been cancelled as well. My second friend will be receiving the specimens, but I will be freeing myself of any involvement after that. He's now on his own, just like most of us are. He will have to learn to swim or drown again. I'm saddened that I genuinely tried to pay it forward here. I wanted to spread the word locally and bring people into the fold. I had no one at the beginning and people like ROM, Larimar, Grey Wolf, Med and many others stepped up and helped me out. I wanted to take what you gave me and spread the love. My intentions were good, but the way this has played out has left me quite jaded. I will need time to trust other people looking to start growing now. I must be clear here, this is on me. I let myself be a push over, I set boundaries but did not enforce them, I did not protect my peace and mental health, leading to a dark place. I have done this before and I see myself as my own worst enemy atm. Red Flags matter. If you see them, be prepared to walk away immediately. Please don't hang on and continuously make concessions like I did. Your knowledge is valuable, and they need you, not the other way around. I'm still sitting here trying to figure out why I didn't walk away soon and permanently... Written and/or voiced contracts mean nothing. Test their willingness to grow with books and information. If they show an interest and start to catch on to the process, you may have a good growing partner. If you have what I had, with books sitting on the counter for weeks and information in texts ignored w/ no attempt to do any proactive learning, WALK AWAY! Thanks for listening to this... Ummm, I'm not going to talk about this again after these entries. I just lost 4 plants that I had a personal connection with and I need time to accept this loss. IF you want to talk in PM or the thread below however, and share your stories and or tactics to combat these peoples, please don't hesitate to do so🙏 . I feel we need to share with one another and protect each other from being hurt like this. We can pay it forward, but please beware... Turns out people are dicks(?)😂