@CRiSPrGrow, i am trying.
if i may explain why my posts have been anemic, while i thank you for paying attention and contributing to any success i might have, you are invited to read this wall of text (although not required cuz it certainly is tl;dr worthy and really won't help anyone improve specifically on anyone else's grow as it so both specific to you and i and general as a whole, including you and i)
otherwise, discard the rest and pretend it is a part of my personal "diary" you accidentally found the diary in a drawer and ignore it; i understand completely because this is the internet and it is an unsolicited rant, so by no means do i fault you for skipping it.
it may be more for than for you, but it certainly includes you. either way, here it goes
my 1st diary was more like a bible or encyclopedia of what i did.
this one has been like the cliff notes of a 3 page, ambiguous unfinished story, i hope this update changes that
i loved doing my first diary of my first grow here. aside from odd memory issues on stable current chrome, for a year, this is THE place for this sort of thing
anyway, my first diary had (as well as the plants, themselves) most of my full attention at almost all times, sometimes obsessing to get it right because i couldn't afford to fail considering how much $$ i invested on a first time grow.
I was repeatedly and often opening the tent to look at them and make sure nothing was wrong every 15 minutes or so when i didn't actually need to, while also, most importantly, with no pain or distractions of any significance to make me not hear them when they were talking to me.
i was a n00b and inexperienced, hoever i was present and available at almost all feasible times, and while i made some major mistakes i hopefully corrected this time (while learning new mistakes that i will correct next time) and was pretty successful partially because of it, this site encouraged me by helping me document measurable progress, helpful peer support, and experienced advice, among many other things.
i was WAY happy with my results, even though i made a ton of mistakes that only experience can provide; one can't google one's individual circumstances after all or pre google potential "issues" that pop up, so one must seek the root of the problem
which was how i approached my first grow, to almost a laser focus... and i reported my results thoroughly on grow diaries and it was all good, from sprout to smoke, both documenting for sharing and experiencing while growing for myself.
it absolutely fulfilled a need for me, that while curious about, didn't actually know that i needed
i apologize to this amazing community, that i haven't exactly been the same as i was last grow and holding up my end of the bargain as far as detailing my experiences so that others can learn from my mistakes or success, and contributing my facts, speculation, and actual measurements/documentation
as far as in communication with the plants, and to grow diaries, (which aside from some frustrating UI quirks that I wish they could address, such as memory/lag issues on current google chrome), i apologize as i am quite distracted and have been for weeks by sudden convergent external pressure that has to be dealt with immediately
(i obsessed over the captions first diary, this grow, maybe 3 or 4 captions total so far, instead of 100% captioning)
i absolutely adore (of course because of the rest of you who have embraced this platform for sharing and communicating and helping each other) grow diaries both in concept and execution, as well as being one of the most amazing internet communities i have ever been a part of (for reference, i got my first aol disk mid to lat 90s, so a community like this is nearly impossible to come by even back then.)
whether via sharing a breadth of knowledge/experience and desire to see others succeed instead of needless drama, this place is SUPER high on the list of of communities I have seen since basically the dawn of the internet)
and you, @CRiSPrGrow, are exactly one of the reasons why
so here is the deal and why this weeks update, and your simple comment mean so much to me, personally.
i have been under some consistent, persistent emotional & financial strain and loss from a variety of mostly benign sources that all, unfortunately for me, have converged on me at once over a short period just as i started watering the beans early august,
so i haven't really been "present" this grow almost as soon as they sprouted
so getting back involved mentally via communication with the plants and members of this community, such as you, this is a good thing for me in more ways than i can articulate
to be blunt, your simple comment snapped me right out of my funk, and got me doing what i do best, thinking and executing.
thanks for noticing the difference.
this catharsis is as important as taking my girls to a proper and sustained cure. i will add a bonus pic of my new "additive" to my curing jars soon. hopefully i will caption it too :D
things are likely to get worse for me emotionally (at least in the short term, only, God willing), but getting back to the "normal" me despite emotional fear/pain/instability is amazing progress so far.
my attention to the girls and updates to this diary is proof
this post from you, and our and others interaction last week helping me diagnose wtf was happening to my healthy plants, was invaluable
the funny/sad thing is, i cant smoke or eat weed right now (i haven't tried my tincture yet since these events started), because even with my known and self imported genetics in mostly retail packaging, that i grew from those retail seeds myself, (indica heavy, high cbd ruderalis/auto heavy strains, that should CURE anxiety),it STILL enhances my anxiety and emotional pain (just like it enhances the good and fun things in your life. weed makes good things better, no question about that. but it also makes bad things worse, at least for some people, like me, right now)
so i cant really smoke or eat weed right now even though i desire its ability to heal me
however, the magical herb that it is, my garden is giving me structure and strength right now. and getting back to my old self, via this grow diary and structured attention to my girls, is very therapeutic.
the irony is that i can't smoke it to medicate myself, but growing it it is healing me.
go figure that even NOT using her directly can help people (like me, right now)
what a wonderful plant.
thank you, @CRiSPrGrow, for inspiring this realization that this update is a sign post that i can read, of me coming back to "normal" ("normal" for ME, at least).
that this too, shall pass
whether you realized or meant to or not, this simple comment connected some dots that i probably wouldn't have realized without you (such as being more active with my plants and this diary is more of me being me because i am me than i have been for how many documented weeks now, and that means i am healing and getting back to "normal").
thanks brother, i appreciate you just being you, when you knew you should be you and just were you, because you have truly helped a stranger to soldier on during some rough times.
keep being who you are, because you are absolutely killing it at being you.
thank you again
namaste
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