Terrabloom and ac infinity (puked in my mouth a bit) among others make good fans. an "EC motor" i think is what you want. This allows 0-100% control or at least 10-100% in some cases.
Buy larger than you need and run at 50% or less. All duct fants are fairly loud when amped up. bigger sizes are obviously louder, but a 6" at 50% is probably quieter than a 4" at 90-100%. Having both an active intake and an exhaust can help, but i wouldn't bother on anything smaller than a 5x5 or 4x8 for that. A 6" should be fine for a 4x4 or 3x3. I recently used 2 at 25%,give or take, in a 4x4. That's only becaue i had extra lying around. i normally have them hooked up to a 10x10 - 2 6" intakes and 1 8" exhaust. 50-60% power does well.
If you buy a duct silencer, that significantly increases CFM/power needs, so buy even bigger if you do that. You could also use insulated ducts that will cut down on some noise too. If you live in the same room you grow, this might be woth it, but otherwise just running a good quality fan at 50% or below will be fine if it is behind a closed door in a room you mostly stay out of.
"they" say you want to have cfm rating (after you account for silencers, filters, duct length and number of 90-degree bends which all deduct from the fan's potential CFM) that is at least 1/3-1/2 of your tent volume. I'd wager this safely errs on the high side of "enough". I mostly adjust this so that my RH isn't much different than outside the tent. If i recall the recommendations for greenhouses is lower, so the greenhouse recommendation, if you can find a reputable source, is probably a more accurate guideline.