Wing it in an English green house

Had to take the kids to butlins this week. Left mother in law and neighbor in charge of watering. Gave them strict instructions not to over water. Came back after 5 day's and she was as wet as cucumber in a women's prison... Didn't seem to bother her and in all fairness to the both of them she has grown a fair bit. Might have more to do with the mini heatwave rather than their overfeeding

Fucking only gone a blagged myself some hydro nutrients from a mate who's Mrs has banned him from growing. Seen massive increases this week and the weather has been largely overcast and windy! So windy the green house turned in to a fucking hot air balloon and made a break to the neighbors on the right. As I'm an engineer I nailed the cock smoker to the floor!!! Plant was a bit bent from the assault of the great escape but straightened up the next day.

Pissed it most of the week but she still keeps going. Starting to have issues with snails and slugs. I check before I go to bed and pull at least one off a night. Launch the cunts in the neighbors garden. Got too fucked one night and didn't check. Found a snail on his back frothing from it's mouth the next morning. So you know it's good!!!

The rain won't go but still she grows!! Realized the vents on the top were letting in to much rain. Gaffer taped the bastards which worked but turned the green house in to a swedish sauna! Hasn't bothered her and the snails and slugs still are squating.

Growing so we'll now that the Mrs is not happy with the sight or the smell!! The whole neighborhood are giving their 10 pence and I'm now known as the Devon version of Pablo Escobar! Luckily my neighbors are wreck heads so should avoid the PO Po but have upped security for thefts. Bought a wild live motion sensing camera thingy. Just got the cat licking it's arse so far but hoping that's the only activatey around the green house.

Starting to really stink now. So much so my neighbor on the right who is also a grower keeps offering me free weed. Tried it and it's the most pond weedy pond weed around. I can see why he is giving it away!!!! I will still hopefully repay the favour... Feeding her a bit more and still killing snails by the dozen but doesn't seem to bother her. I let the soil dry to touch then make her moist at night. Just like all my previous relationships with the ladies!!

Starting to get some decent shine sun now. I'm growing in a north facing garden with a council owned conifer hedge which takes all the fucking light. All in all she gets direct sunlight from 11-4 pm so she gets it at it's strongest. Having to feed her night and day now. Good news is that the heat has fucked the snails and slugs. There is a fly that refuses to leave the green house I call him Terry.

We are now live.. I repeat live!!! In blighty we are now experiencing a heat wave so she is feeding like a mother fucker!!!! She has started to touch the top of the green house so as all good engineers I'll tie the top to the side and try not to break her.. the bottom branches have got short man syndrome and have started to try and out grow the main cola. Hoping to be done in the next 2 weeks so will start flushing in the next couple of days. Might need a bit of guidance from this point onwards friends???

Hello my fellow growers.. been a mixed bag of weather in the southwest. Really fucking hot, up too 32 degrees fucking hot then fucking wet! So wet I was out in a pissing thunder storm gaffer taping the granny out of the vent holes on top. Did work but created a paddling pool on top which sat on the main cola but didn't harm her. Nothing seems to bother her though and if you're an idiot like me you probably can't fail but get a crop from This firm an breed. She seems to have stopped growing now and the hairs are about 1 thirds brown. Started to flush her today due to the Mrs getting fucked off with the smell. (She does stink!) Hoping I can get at least 2 weeks of sun on her before my relationship breaks down and I hopefully harvest. Happy growing people's

This is not the 10th week but if you take in to account she lived on my kitchen window for over a week it probably is. Shit with technology a couldn't work out how to upload the shit photos from my shit phone on here. My phone's the sort you'd buy your grandparents if you didn't like them! It does have polyphonic ring tones and snake 2 at least

Sad day! Noticed a bit of mould over the weekend. Been hacking it off but enough was enough and I had to save what I could and harvest. While chopping her down I noticed what I first thought was seeds but when they started crawling I new it was my old friend the snail. Not only have these slimy cock suckers been eating me plant the last two months they've now decided to have unprotected sex on her and feed their love children!! Seems where ever I've found them there was mould. She's up drying now I'll update when dry and weighed. On another note is there any commercial growers in the Devon area who would like to re-home some baby snails with a chronic weed addiction? Free to a good home