Let There Be Weed - My 1st Grow

Time runs slowly when you're really waiting for your plants to grow 🌱. At first I got frustrated because my first seed took its sweet time to sprout. It was my fault, I thought if I left the seed (between moist kitchen paper) in the sun, it would receive a kick. Eventually, I found out they were supposed to be in the darkness. By then I had lost my hope in seed #1. So I started 4 extra seeds (1 auto and 3 photoperiod) to see what happens. To my surprise, seed #1 sprouted the following day. This triggered my anxiety though: what if ALL OF THEM succeed??? I had NO SUPPLIES. Moreover, how can I avoid visitors in my place?? What if neighbors can smell it (that woman is such a bitch!)? Will my mother cry her brains out thinking I'm a drug addict that won't be received in heaven? I should have thought things through. But I didn't. I couldn't actually. I acquired my seeds more than one year ago and then, paralysis. I guess the thought of balancing many variables makes me anxious by itself. Mostly because of my parents. I like them in my house, and they will never be cool about me planting cannabis. My mother would be specially hurt. She's a sweet person, but strongly religious and was doctrinated against drugs her whole life. I introduced the conversation many times, trying to explain that there are classes of drugs, that cannabis is different from methamphetamine, and for God's sake, how can someone addicted to coffee and sleeping pills be so judgmental about innocent flowers?? Every attempt is a major frustration. I love cannabis. It helped me question the world I was presented as a child. It helps me in my pursuit of meaning. Of religiosity. It helps me to enjoy people (they're the worst when I'm sober!!!) And be generous in my interactions. It's fun, and I'm a much more active person when I'm on it. Because without it, I'm this cynical and cold person that detachs itself from the world, feeling above it. I know quite perfectly that I'm not superior to the world or people, but somehow a strong sense of individuality unbridledly grew on me and now, and I'm imprisoned by it. Weed reminds me I'm part of a whole, and that's comforting. The idea that we evolved through the eras as a community and that we own ourselves to each other is renforced, and it aligns with my ethical views. Althought these thoughts are always in my mind, the feelings are more easily emulated with MJ's little help. Mommy doesn't get that. And she will try HARD to make me feel guilty. Therefore, I must avoid confrontation! All that calculus, that pondering, took so much psychological energy, that i just didn't use my seeds. Everytime I thought about which lights i should get, my head wondered around and around, avoiding the million underlying thoughts about how to navigate this relationship without hurt my equally loving and manipulative mother (my father is just a hippocratic hollier than thou, so I find it easier to deal with him because I don't care). In summary, that's why I just started the seeds. With no lights. No fans. No tent. Nothing but a sunny windowsill. Bad idea?? Hahahahaha, yeah definitely. The heart got in the way. Anyways, shortly after, 3 out of 4 seeds started to root. Well... That makes me... A farmer! 😃 Funny thing is that all that anxiety is at its peak right before the action. Once you're on the move, the path feels smoother. I started giving only sunlight to my plants (it's October though, oopsyyyy), and miraculously plant #1 germinated. She's a surviver!! It's my first time planting something from scratch, but i have other plants (potted palm trees ans such) at home and they're just fine. The cannabis though were special baby plants, treated like superstars. But babies (kids at least) can be spoiled by excessive care. And just like babies, you should NOT drown them! I got so worried about not letting my plants dry out that i overwatered them. The photoperiod ones didn't germinate, the auto #2 started to develop some mold in the bottom its burger king cup. She however look just fine. I'm afraid it is too early to report it, so I'll gamble: I'll wait for the 2 sets of normal leaves. Now that I'm more conscious about watering it, I'm hopping the problem will be contained until the time for repotting comes. Let's hope 🤞 Plant #1 is growing strong. I get the feeling she will be the only one that will last in the end. Anyways, I'm learning with the process and now I, at least got some LED lights.