TFTC: The Laughing Martian God

Welcome to all the wonderful weed loving people out there! Here we are again for a feature length double whammy episode in our “Tales from the Closet: The Laughing Martian God". We hope you have been enjoying the show so far, please, do it for our sponsorship! Without your help and the support of wonderful companies like Mars Hydro, independent media outlets such as Jobbie studios would not be able to run. Anyway, without further chit chat, let us get on with the episode and remember, this is a double, so keep reading and keep smoking. I stood there, two weeks ago, I stood there with sick still clinging to the edges of my mouth, holding a jar that someone had put the plant's head in, looking, staring. Things are just weird, you know, when you don’t understand where you are or how you got there, I mean, why am I here, now, with a pair of scissors in my hand. Two weeks ago this would have been unthinkable. It was a horrible time following the beheading of my plant, however we continued to look after it, one of the gardeners called Dave, a large person, he offered advice saying she needed to be tied down and fed regularly, that this was not the end. In my haze I just did what he said, especially seeing a vagrant agreed with him, that was Alex, he was apparently a gardener back in the day, but now just drank himself to sleep every night, having taken to fermenting everything he grew in the garden. So the plant was kept in similar conditions as before my visit to the capitol. Although, I was told by a local that the temperature would begin to rise and the days shorten, but the light during those times would be more intense due to daytime lunar alignment, basically a trick with mirrors to increase crop yield. Up to 50% of max power that the setup could produce was being employed. The plant appeared to recover from the damage, we still do not know who did this or why, I just couldn’t believe any one would hurt the plant, it was harmless and appeared to make people happy, if a little crazy. I continued following the instructions of my two helpers, although they seemed to be taking it in turns to help me direct operations. Alex was an unusual character, they seemed to be drunk permanently, but when you least expected it you would look into their eyes and see this brilliant flash of intelligence. Dave, he worries me, there seems to be something going on: none of the other gardeners know him, he also says inappropriate things, where most people show the plant reverence, he almost seems to just want to exploit the plant, only interested in what it can get him or be used for, rather than learning about the plant. A few days after that Alex came in with some space bottles, they had a black outer surface, a cap and a tube coming out the top wondering what it was as he secured it with the nozzle pointing into the canopy, when it was in place the noise happened, everyone stood and stared at the plant, more faces twisted with that grotesque smile, the laughter boomed from everywhere and yet we all knew it was the plant, the plant was showing it’s pleasure. Alex swayed and explained that when things ferment they produce CO2, that all plant life needs CO2 so adding more always helps boost growth, then he proceeded to sit down and drink from his hip flask. The plant grew, it continued growing; the eight branches that were left had been tied to create as even as possible a level so they could all get the same light, each branch was now growing up and out, the volume increasing to a fast rate, the thickness of the branches were also increasing, I feel the beheading was not enough, maybe the plant needs all branch heads cut off to be killed, much like an ancient Hydra. My suspicions were confirmed, while I was getting a cup of chai, I saw Bob walking past a window, then I saw him walking towards Dave. my curiosity peaked and I needed to find out what was going on there, so, under the cover of night I began to sneak towards a window near where they were standing, the window was slightly ajar so their whispers were audible to me. They conspired over the plant, working for some company of which there was no direct mention, they were wanting the plant to grow, it was all part of something called the great Martian Theology, that they wanted the pant to become a source of worship that they could manipulate and use, an opiate to the masses. Once again I felt sick, not knowing what to do, understanding my place in what could be a horrible for of enslavement using this plant that I found all those weeks ago back on earth, that lives and minds could be at risk, it had a sobering effect on my brain. With the pit of dread opening up in my stomach I walked towards the plant, holding my pair of scissors. Yes, here I stand now before the plant in utter darkness, about to slay a hydra. I cut all the plant heads off each of the eight branches. I'm standing here with extreme mixed emotions, the panic in my mind over hurting something I love, yet at the same time, happy that it is over, this nightmare can finally end. The dead heads of each branch are lying at my feet, the scissors are sticky with plant blood, then a noise from behind me, its footsteps. MY head automatically turns and behind me is Bob, Dave and a police officer. “Predictable” Bob said, “Just as I told you, with people unfit for this sort of business, all you need is a gentle prod and they will do the wrong thing.” Dave handed him something that looked like money “You got this one right, but you ain’t always, right officer, you can arrest him for destruction of Martian property.” “Bless…” Bob said “he doesn't know what is going on, see, when the Martian Government pardoned you and gave sanction to grow, it meant that the interested parties now had a stake in your endeavors, so as representative of the shareholders we phoned the police to intervene when we thought you would do the property damage.” The officer places their restraints on me, and led me away, not from property, from a plant, a living God that I tried to Kill. Part 2 The cell was cold, it was small and basic, I'm sure it wasn't cold in reality, but in my mind there was a frosting of my brain which spread through my body. I had tried to kill the plant, but the corporate representative who just left had informed me the plant is doing better than ever, thank Laughter, yes Laughter, for that was the God in the plant, the Laughter God of Mars, a Laughing Buddha. I spent some time in my cell, they watched me carefully, all my basic rights were seen to in this small glass box, but not much else. Despite the incarceration I was now calm, the gift of Laughter was returned by my deity, I could hear a faint echo of the plant even in here. Soon I got talking to the Guards, one of them let slip that they were now discussing the plant in corporate news, talking about the potential… even a plan to try cutting the heads again, to see what happened. The pilgrims had been moved from the dome, but could still look through the clear dome surface as they watched the plant grow. This is when the guard realised he was not meant to talk to me about it, soon however, I managed to strike a bargain, I pretended I vaped to get carriages given to me, then I would give them to him, he promised to keep me informed about the plant… after all, what harm could I do. The plant was creating a stir, there was even a Degree being made at the most prestigious University on Mars designed at creating doctrine surrounding its worship, people flocked together to hear people speak of it, all the speakers corporate sponsored, they would take and then listen to recordings of laughter. Time passed by while I was stuck in a see-through cage, they did tests, poking, prodding, scanning and injecting, they never told me why, but I could guess: they were looking for any effects that the plant had on me physically or mentally, but how do you quantify spiritually? I kept getting small pieces of information for my bribes; the plant was growing, they had followed chief science officer Dave's advice and defoliated her a few times, then the next big news was a big chop! The sun was at its paradox where it was brightest, but furthest away so now was ideal, the blades were machine sterilised using alcohol, the cuts precise, the heads and many branches chopped. They had taken a leap chopping nearly half the plants size down, but all I heard was the laughter, it could not be hurt this way, I knew that this plant could communicate and would bend people to its will, my God will not be stopped, my God is like a hydra of old, you chop off one head and another two replace it. It was being kept in a warm environment, but as the sun was shifting and the martian season changing, the plant would need a change too, I could feel her, in my mind there was something there telling me that things were changing. The scientists came less regular now. I had complained that this incarceration was against my human rights, they explained that because I was a criminal on earth and committed treason on Mars, I had no rights, that I would be forgotten soon and would die an ignominious death. When the scientist left I shouted in frustration to know what they would do with the plant and why it was so important, he turned, his face in a wide rectus smile said "she is the God Mars needs, Earth has had it's time, its ancient Gods, now it was time for Mars to be unified under one worship", he turned and walked away, I could hear his sick fanatic laughter all the way down the hall. It was then I realised the gravity of the situation: they would use my plant, this Martian life form, to enslave all of Mars under its banner and rule with corporate Dogma. It was never about the plant, the God, it was about putting a new face on their ancient God, the one of greed and power. According to the guard a new report was all over the news: the plant had begun exhibiting black spots, the edges of the leaves with this stigmata were also yellowing and going crispy. What have they done! The news claims that it is a blight on the people, the clergy speaking on the news say that the plant is a representation of Mars, and that the evil Cult that was infesting the Martian night scene was the black spots on the plant, people have been called to repentance, repent from these wicked practices and fellowships, repent and the black spot would disappear. What a was this other Cult? When you are trapped in a box, with the shift patterns of guards as your day and night cycle, you start to loose track of time, it must have been weeks on earth time, maybe a month since I was locked up until the most insane thing happened. I heard a commotion, it sounded like lazer fire, then the door to this corridor opened next to my cube and in walked the next guard, the one I bribed: he looked wild eyed, there was a stain on his uniform that appeared to be blood, he had his laser in one hand… most of all he looked tired. It had been a many shifts since I saw him, apparently some holiday time was taken, but here he was looking like he spent that entire time awake. The current guard looked perplexed and his dishevelled appearance, then his face melted as lazer fire came from the bribed guard. The guard looked left and right, then quickly again but this time shot he cameras, he stared at me, Iwas terrified and jumped when he spoke: "I do not have much time" he took his helmet off and revealed a tattoo on his forehead, it was a cross cut of a citrus, it was purple: somehow I knew it was a purple lemon, he went on "we are many, they are the many deluded, you do not have to be alone, we are your friend and want the same thing, we are coming". After this message he looked visibly relieved, then he took his lazer and melted his face off, only the front of his skull remained, he dropped to the floor as guards came rushing in. The scientist from the other day stood before me, he screamed "what did he tell you? Who did he work for? What was his message?", the shock of the incident was some how momentary as I felt something blooming in my brain, my only response, a smile, I didn't know who, but they were coming. We hope you have enjoyed this week's episode, please join us next episode to find out what will happen to “The laughing Martian God”, oh and Jobbie, also who the hell are these people and why a purple lemon… actually the answer to that last one is in the other journal. Thank you to our sponsors Mars Hydro, the light is amazing and already the improvement is noticed with its dimmer feature and easy to use set up, it has made growing this time a lot of fun, also the white light makes it easier to actually check on plant health without other colors causing confusion. Notes: the plant has had three toppings now, however I think that is enough, it doesn't seem to be bouncing back the same way, last topping I took almost half the plant off and she took a week before I could breath waiting for her to grow again. The temperature is a little high for my liking around 23-28c°, this is because the tent is getting a bit crowded and the light is on 100% but double the required height due to the auto finishing. Humidity goes up and down between 45-68%: I have added a dehumidifier to help curb the highs a bit. She is mostly on the three day feed, water then dry cycle. I have an issue with he leaves, it seems to spread quickly, wondering what it might be, the plant has been in the soil a while now so it is likely dry of nutrients, let me know, I'll open a ticket so get your answers in quick please. Oh on a post note: I made Cann a' Soup recently, using infused maple syrup and infused coconut oil to roast the veggies then when bedding them all together with herbs and spices, I added a load of leaves from defoliating and topping that week, it was incredible! Just a little idea of what to use those leaves for, so get cooking and get baked!