TFTC: The Laughing Martian God

Welcome ganja lovers, welcome to our first installment of "Tales from the Closet", we as part of Jobbie studios in concert with our partners Mars-Hydro are delighted to bring you "The Laughing Martian God". We hope you enjoy tonight's presentation. My name is Jobbie, the story you are about to hear might sound unbelievable, it might sound like I am a madman, and, perhaps I am. Four weeks have passed since my life has taken a course that in my wildest dreams I would never have dreamt, since then it feels like some unseen hand has led me down a sinuous path, to the frontiers of human existence itself, to Mars and the Colony of New Los Angeles. It feels like my existence and mind is at the beckoning call, nay, laughter of some unseen God, so please, listen to my story, I beg of you! Just listen to what I am about to say, it all started on Earth working in a laboratory 4 weeks ago. My Job in the lab was to examine rocks sent back by Archeologists on Mars, mostly examining molecular structure but at the same time looking for any signs of previous life. I spent most of my time daydreaming about visiting the spires of New Los Angeles, or taking a tour around the purple buildings of New Old Amsterdam, on one such day the unthinkable happened, a simple looking rock on the outside, but when I cut into it I found a box, looking like an old takeaway container, inside was a wet tissue like substance with that appeared to be seed in it, it looked like a seed. This was one in a million and appeared to be my chance to make a great discovery. I smuggled it out of the office from under the watchful eye of Bill, when questioned about it I feigned sickness and went home. There the seed needed conditions to possibly sprout, so it was placed in my coldest darkest closet to mimic the frigid darkness of life under Martian Soil. Then, I waited for a miracle. The following week were spent away from work, just waiting and watching, eventually in the cold dark cupboard the martian seed sprouted, then the taproot grew and it was time to be planted in a three liter container, with potting soil, the only light I had was that of the outdoors, so again my wait continued. The plant took all my waking thoughts and consciousness until two days after planting when it felt my hope was lost, a little green sprout appeared, and when my eyes gazed upon this martian life, my mind heard a distant echo of laughter. Under the earth's sun it grew slowly, the soil appeared to be weak and for the first week nothing really happened, then the unthinkable happened, it drooped over, I felt all hope was lost and with the desperate panic that seized my heart and mind I worked to help the plant. Then an event happened which darkened my soul: the door to my apartment opened and in walked a hooded man. It appeared to be Bill my boss, then I saw his face, eyes were wild whilst completely focused on the plant and a wicked smile contorted his skin, right then he lunged for me, taken by surprise his weight pinned me to the ground and his fingers clawed at my throat, not trying to strangle me, but instead trying to rip the flesh away. With great effort I managed to grab the only thing close to hand, a universal remote for the apartment, which I then slammed into his head, the thin clear pad snapped in two, so I slammed it into his head again. The sharp edge glancing off his skull but creating a deep bloody cut in his skin, I slammed it in again and again until he collapsed into death's clutch, still he lay with that horrible smile on his face. I knew it was time to get away, so I went to the only man who could help… the smuggler named DeFharo. On the way I acquired some wire as support for the plant, it needed to survive, my destination was Mars to give this plant the soil and light it needed. If you want to grow out of this world plants, you need Mars Hydro conditions, so I was going to accept no substitute. The smuggler was willing to help for a price, yet undetermined, he would take me to New Los Angeles where I could lose myself in the towering spires, there hopefully I could raise this plant. So for the next couple weeks I spent in my bunk on his ship, traveling to Mars, running as a fugitive to an unknown future, running from my old dreams and life that now seemed a hazy childish fantasy, compared to the destiny that I felt clutching at my heart and mind. In my small cabin there was a small cupboard where used a 20w T5 lamp to give the plant light, the heat and humidity seemed to be okay after I used an old clear food container to create a makeshift biodome., here my plant, she was on life support until she got home. Time passed so slowly, yet not once did my mind stop to think about the insanity on which my life existed, so far from home, in space. We landed and my first job was to find a place to grow and nurture my plant, luck would have it that a biodome had just come available on the fringes of the city, a person call Eleen helped me settle in and taught me how the lighting of this Mars Hydro unit worked for optimum plant growth; these premises were mostly used to experiment plant growth for martian environments. If you read this, thank you Eleen! Once settled in I locked the door and set out to help my tiny sprout which had since began to stand on its own again, with only the tiniest of true leaves keeping her alive, her cotyledons had since turned a yellow colour. It had been some time since we left, three weeks even, now with my biodome I used the martian light to heal my plant, once the light hit the leaves I once again heard laughter, louder this time, as though this plant possessed the ability to touch hearts and minds, as though it were some how able to communicate its pleasure. A week had passed since my arrival and only a little progress had been made when there was a knock at my door, some people in robes walked past me into my habitat, they had the traipsing of gardeners and carried a small vial, seven people in total walked into my dome straight to the seedling, they all smiled a loving adoration, then raised their vial of mirky fluids up and said “We offer the nutrients of this holy land to this the Laughing plant. They poured the vial out and the Laughter this time was unmistakable, it rang out through the entire dome, the seven gardeners bowed down and worshipped the plant, I wondered what I had done, what insanity was now happening, could they hear it too? How did they know? As they bowed, I cowered, what have I done! The laughter, it continued as the liquid was absorbed by the soil and the plant looked almost instantly healthier, then, the laughter stopped, the people they left, I was now alone with the Martian plant. Alone again and now the laughter had died, I felt the draw, the almost irresistible draw to do anything to bring it back. To make my God Laugh again. We at Jobbies studio would like to thank Mars-Hydro for making this possible, their light really has done wonders for my growing. We would also love to thank you our viewers, soon will be the companion series set in the same time and dimension called "The Purple Lemonade Cult", so keep your eyes peeled for this installment of "Tales from the Closet". Thank you again, please drive safely and respect each other, good night. I've decided to do things differently and make up stories, my plant had a rough start but kept her alive, she is now growing so well, the TS100 from Mars-Hydro has honestly done wonders, firstly the temperature is lower in the tent, second the cost of energy is lower, im also not seeing much difference in growth between this and my old 600w blurple. Let me know your thoughts and comments, thank you.

Welcome once again fellow Watchers of the Weed! Welcome to the next episode from our series “Tales from the Closet: The Laughing Martian God”, we hope you are excited for this next installment, but first, we would like to thank our partners Mars Hydro! Without them we would be stuck in the blurple days wasting energy and killing plants. Without Further ado, on with the show! It has been three weeks, three weeks and so much has happened. Have you ever felt so powerless, like you are on some sort of spinning ride at an amusement park, where at first it seems exciting, but it just keeps going faster and faster, this is the feeling I have now, now, as I watch the people mill about, as I watch some insane ritual they perform, where they feed the plant and bow chanting to the laughter, that insane laughter that somehow comes from everywhere at once to echo in your head, in your skull, in your brain. These last three weeks have been something I cannot begin to explain, but I will lay my story before you and hope that you in your sober state might help in fathoming some understanding of the insanity that my life lives in. Soon after that first feeding and planting more people began to arrive, they seemed to spend time looking in through the greenhouse windows of the biodome with a transfixed look of awe and wonder, many even had that hideous smile, it brought guilt over Bill, so when someone wore that hideous smile I would turn my face away lest I saw BIll with that shard of remote sticking out of him. A few days passed with the same ritual being performed, the environment was steady between 22c and 25c, humidity with lows of 45% and highs of 63% all of which seemed to make the plant happy as it slowly grew, then a very odd thing happened. Normally most people who came to see the plant dress similarly, in gardener clothing or robes, but when a man in a suit turned up, he looked very out of place. His name was Bob, he was a delegate from the Mars Assembly, a governing group of people who represent companies… they are not supposed to, but it has long been understood that each person was part of a massive corporation, so much so was this known that the people just called each party by the corporate sponsors name. He was a public servant, here to invite me to the assembly in the Capitol that was either called “Bransoville”, “Muskton” or “Bezopolis” depending on a person's view of history. It was known that a person did not refuse a summons, ever! The plant was left in the hands of my neighbor, this person would make sure that the rituals of watering happened to the correct frequency. So I was off to capitol City. I was scared, the entire journey on a speed train, my mind wondered whether they would return me to Earth to stand trial for the murder of my ex boss, or would they just lock me up here, maybe I should not have run, if I hadn’t none of this would have happened. The visit to the Capitol took longer than expected, it appeared that many wanted to meet me and ask their very own questions. Many from the same camp would ask the same question which struck me as odd that they wouldn't share information. My stay was comfortable with great food and drink, it reminded me how in the chaos of everything I had failed to take proper care of my body. After two weeks visiting and only getting brief updates on the plants, they brought me into the government chamber and stood me in front of everyone who was elected to represent the people of Mars. After a brief telling of my story for the benefit of those who hadn’t met with me previously, they explained that they had come to decide I would continue my work growing the plant and they cared little for Earth affairs. What worried me before leaving was that the Premier finished by saying “We will see what this Martian Plant will produce, for the good of Mars, let people visit, see and… worship how they please, we will be in touch”. When he said Worship, his mouth contorted into a frenzied smile, then I noticed most of the people in the chamber had the same twisted grin. There was no doubt in my mind that they intended to use this plant for whatever means benefited them most, this thought chilled me to the bone. I gave a shiver when walking out, knowing that their smiles and wild eyes would be following my back out the door. On the journey back my mind was wracked and I barely slept, every time my mind would drift off I would see again the smiles, and their smiles would turn into laughter, then each face would become BIll’s face, each one with a frenzy, each one wanting me dead, clawing with hands, tearing my flesh. I returned home exhausted, I returned to a horrible sight: People mourning, crying and wailing, my neighbor being taken care of with a head injury of some sort, the plant had grown immensely it appeared, however upon closer inspection I saw half of it lying on the ground, someone had cut it nearly in half, they had beheaded it. People cried and wailed, with wide smiles and tears streaming down their cheeks, they cried “our God, it is injured, nooooo”. My blood froze, I felt sick, I was sick. What was more terrible was that the Laughter was gone, and this scared me more than the smiling faces. Thank you to all our readers out there, our partners Mars Hydro and I would like to thank you for reading this installment of “TFTC: The Laughing Martian God”. Please remember to check out our sponsor's full range of top quality equipment. Farewell for now friends, and remember above all, have fun! HIghlights: I was on holiday, so here is what happened, over the last three weeks the plant was kept at 22-25c with 45-60% humidity. She grew a lot, more than I wanted in the time I was away so I topped her after returning. She then had 8 branches that I trained as well as possible. Feedish schedule followed my usual: feed day, water day, dry day cycle.

Welcome to all the wonderful weed loving people out there! Here we are again for a feature length double whammy episode in our “Tales from the Closet: The Laughing Martian God". We hope you have been enjoying the show so far, please, do it for our sponsorship! Without your help and the support of wonderful companies like Mars Hydro, independent media outlets such as Jobbie studios would not be able to run. Anyway, without further chit chat, let us get on with the episode and remember, this is a double, so keep reading and keep smoking. I stood there, two weeks ago, I stood there with sick still clinging to the edges of my mouth, holding a jar that someone had put the plant's head in, looking, staring. Things are just weird, you know, when you don’t understand where you are or how you got there, I mean, why am I here, now, with a pair of scissors in my hand. Two weeks ago this would have been unthinkable. It was a horrible time following the beheading of my plant, however we continued to look after it, one of the gardeners called Dave, a large person, he offered advice saying she needed to be tied down and fed regularly, that this was not the end. In my haze I just did what he said, especially seeing a vagrant agreed with him, that was Alex, he was apparently a gardener back in the day, but now just drank himself to sleep every night, having taken to fermenting everything he grew in the garden. So the plant was kept in similar conditions as before my visit to the capitol. Although, I was told by a local that the temperature would begin to rise and the days shorten, but the light during those times would be more intense due to daytime lunar alignment, basically a trick with mirrors to increase crop yield. Up to 50% of max power that the setup could produce was being employed. The plant appeared to recover from the damage, we still do not know who did this or why, I just couldn’t believe any one would hurt the plant, it was harmless and appeared to make people happy, if a little crazy. I continued following the instructions of my two helpers, although they seemed to be taking it in turns to help me direct operations. Alex was an unusual character, they seemed to be drunk permanently, but when you least expected it you would look into their eyes and see this brilliant flash of intelligence. Dave, he worries me, there seems to be something going on: none of the other gardeners know him, he also says inappropriate things, where most people show the plant reverence, he almost seems to just want to exploit the plant, only interested in what it can get him or be used for, rather than learning about the plant. A few days after that Alex came in with some space bottles, they had a black outer surface, a cap and a tube coming out the top wondering what it was as he secured it with the nozzle pointing into the canopy, when it was in place the noise happened, everyone stood and stared at the plant, more faces twisted with that grotesque smile, the laughter boomed from everywhere and yet we all knew it was the plant, the plant was showing it’s pleasure. Alex swayed and explained that when things ferment they produce CO2, that all plant life needs CO2 so adding more always helps boost growth, then he proceeded to sit down and drink from his hip flask. The plant grew, it continued growing; the eight branches that were left had been tied to create as even as possible a level so they could all get the same light, each branch was now growing up and out, the volume increasing to a fast rate, the thickness of the branches were also increasing, I feel the beheading was not enough, maybe the plant needs all branch heads cut off to be killed, much like an ancient Hydra. My suspicions were confirmed, while I was getting a cup of chai, I saw Bob walking past a window, then I saw him walking towards Dave. my curiosity peaked and I needed to find out what was going on there, so, under the cover of night I began to sneak towards a window near where they were standing, the window was slightly ajar so their whispers were audible to me. They conspired over the plant, working for some company of which there was no direct mention, they were wanting the plant to grow, it was all part of something called the great Martian Theology, that they wanted the pant to become a source of worship that they could manipulate and use, an opiate to the masses. Once again I felt sick, not knowing what to do, understanding my place in what could be a horrible for of enslavement using this plant that I found all those weeks ago back on earth, that lives and minds could be at risk, it had a sobering effect on my brain. With the pit of dread opening up in my stomach I walked towards the plant, holding my pair of scissors. Yes, here I stand now before the plant in utter darkness, about to slay a hydra. I cut all the plant heads off each of the eight branches. I'm standing here with extreme mixed emotions, the panic in my mind over hurting something I love, yet at the same time, happy that it is over, this nightmare can finally end. The dead heads of each branch are lying at my feet, the scissors are sticky with plant blood, then a noise from behind me, its footsteps. MY head automatically turns and behind me is Bob, Dave and a police officer. “Predictable” Bob said, “Just as I told you, with people unfit for this sort of business, all you need is a gentle prod and they will do the wrong thing.” Dave handed him something that looked like money “You got this one right, but you ain’t always, right officer, you can arrest him for destruction of Martian property.” “Bless…” Bob said “he doesn't know what is going on, see, when the Martian Government pardoned you and gave sanction to grow, it meant that the interested parties now had a stake in your endeavors, so as representative of the shareholders we phoned the police to intervene when we thought you would do the property damage.” The officer places their restraints on me, and led me away, not from property, from a plant, a living God that I tried to Kill. Part 2 The cell was cold, it was small and basic, I'm sure it wasn't cold in reality, but in my mind there was a frosting of my brain which spread through my body. I had tried to kill the plant, but the corporate representative who just left had informed me the plant is doing better than ever, thank Laughter, yes Laughter, for that was the God in the plant, the Laughter God of Mars, a Laughing Buddha. I spent some time in my cell, they watched me carefully, all my basic rights were seen to in this small glass box, but not much else. Despite the incarceration I was now calm, the gift of Laughter was returned by my deity, I could hear a faint echo of the plant even in here. Soon I got talking to the Guards, one of them let slip that they were now discussing the plant in corporate news, talking about the potential… even a plan to try cutting the heads again, to see what happened. The pilgrims had been moved from the dome, but could still look through the clear dome surface as they watched the plant grow. This is when the guard realised he was not meant to talk to me about it, soon however, I managed to strike a bargain, I pretended I vaped to get carriages given to me, then I would give them to him, he promised to keep me informed about the plant… after all, what harm could I do. The plant was creating a stir, there was even a Degree being made at the most prestigious University on Mars designed at creating doctrine surrounding its worship, people flocked together to hear people speak of it, all the speakers corporate sponsored, they would take and then listen to recordings of laughter. Time passed by while I was stuck in a see-through cage, they did tests, poking, prodding, scanning and injecting, they never told me why, but I could guess: they were looking for any effects that the plant had on me physically or mentally, but how do you quantify spiritually? I kept getting small pieces of information for my bribes; the plant was growing, they had followed chief science officer Dave's advice and defoliated her a few times, then the next big news was a big chop! The sun was at its paradox where it was brightest, but furthest away so now was ideal, the blades were machine sterilised using alcohol, the cuts precise, the heads and many branches chopped. They had taken a leap chopping nearly half the plants size down, but all I heard was the laughter, it could not be hurt this way, I knew that this plant could communicate and would bend people to its will, my God will not be stopped, my God is like a hydra of old, you chop off one head and another two replace it. It was being kept in a warm environment, but as the sun was shifting and the martian season changing, the plant would need a change too, I could feel her, in my mind there was something there telling me that things were changing. The scientists came less regular now. I had complained that this incarceration was against my human rights, they explained that because I was a criminal on earth and committed treason on Mars, I had no rights, that I would be forgotten soon and would die an ignominious death. When the scientist left I shouted in frustration to know what they would do with the plant and why it was so important, he turned, his face in a wide rectus smile said "she is the God Mars needs, Earth has had it's time, its ancient Gods, now it was time for Mars to be unified under one worship", he turned and walked away, I could hear his sick fanatic laughter all the way down the hall. It was then I realised the gravity of the situation: they would use my plant, this Martian life form, to enslave all of Mars under its banner and rule with corporate Dogma. It was never about the plant, the God, it was about putting a new face on their ancient God, the one of greed and power. According to the guard a new report was all over the news: the plant had begun exhibiting black spots, the edges of the leaves with this stigmata were also yellowing and going crispy. What have they done! The news claims that it is a blight on the people, the clergy speaking on the news say that the plant is a representation of Mars, and that the evil Cult that was infesting the Martian night scene was the black spots on the plant, people have been called to repentance, repent from these wicked practices and fellowships, repent and the black spot would disappear. What a was this other Cult? When you are trapped in a box, with the shift patterns of guards as your day and night cycle, you start to loose track of time, it must have been weeks on earth time, maybe a month since I was locked up until the most insane thing happened. I heard a commotion, it sounded like lazer fire, then the door to this corridor opened next to my cube and in walked the next guard, the one I bribed: he looked wild eyed, there was a stain on his uniform that appeared to be blood, he had his laser in one hand… most of all he looked tired. It had been a many shifts since I saw him, apparently some holiday time was taken, but here he was looking like he spent that entire time awake. The current guard looked perplexed and his dishevelled appearance, then his face melted as lazer fire came from the bribed guard. The guard looked left and right, then quickly again but this time shot he cameras, he stared at me, Iwas terrified and jumped when he spoke: "I do not have much time" he took his helmet off and revealed a tattoo on his forehead, it was a cross cut of a citrus, it was purple: somehow I knew it was a purple lemon, he went on "we are many, they are the many deluded, you do not have to be alone, we are your friend and want the same thing, we are coming". After this message he looked visibly relieved, then he took his lazer and melted his face off, only the front of his skull remained, he dropped to the floor as guards came rushing in. The scientist from the other day stood before me, he screamed "what did he tell you? Who did he work for? What was his message?", the shock of the incident was some how momentary as I felt something blooming in my brain, my only response, a smile, I didn't know who, but they were coming. We hope you have enjoyed this week's episode, please join us next episode to find out what will happen to “The laughing Martian God”, oh and Jobbie, also who the hell are these people and why a purple lemon… actually the answer to that last one is in the other journal. Thank you to our sponsors Mars Hydro, the light is amazing and already the improvement is noticed with its dimmer feature and easy to use set up, it has made growing this time a lot of fun, also the white light makes it easier to actually check on plant health without other colors causing confusion. Notes: the plant has had three toppings now, however I think that is enough, it doesn't seem to be bouncing back the same way, last topping I took almost half the plant off and she took a week before I could breath waiting for her to grow again. The temperature is a little high for my liking around 23-28c°, this is because the tent is getting a bit crowded and the light is on 100% but double the required height due to the auto finishing. Humidity goes up and down between 45-68%: I have added a dehumidifier to help curb the highs a bit. She is mostly on the three day feed, water then dry cycle. I have an issue with he leaves, it seems to spread quickly, wondering what it might be, the plant has been in the soil a while now so it is likely dry of nutrients, let me know, I'll open a ticket so get your answers in quick please. Oh on a post note: I made Cann a' Soup recently, using infused maple syrup and infused coconut oil to roast the veggies then when bedding them all together with herbs and spices, I added a load of leaves from defoliating and topping that week, it was incredible! Just a little idea of what to use those leaves for, so get cooking and get baked!

Next chapter Welcome brave people of the bud growing variety, and to you those lovely people that like to peep in through the windows of the growing world! Welcome to a new episode of "Tales from the Closet: The Laughing Martian God" in partnership with those that light your grows, MARS HYDRO: grow for the future with future technology, from Mars Hydro. Last week the episode was full of shock and drama, the bribed guard had a funky tattoo, then he lost it when melting his own face off, what was that about! Our hero Jobbie still remains in custody without charge, will he ever escape? Will he get back to his plant? Most importantly, what does the Laughing God want? Let's see if we find out in this week's episode! The thing I found about being locked up, isolated and tortured, is the loss of time: not the previous sense of "what days it?" But the actual loss of time, when you suddenly realise that you cannot remember what has just happened, whether by choice or the fact you just don't know. It starts with daydreaming, you fixate on things, a pleasant alternate reality, an enjoyable memory, the fantasy of what you will do when you get out. In the end, you only hurt yourself. I once heard of special forces training, they encouraged participants while being tortured to try and wind up or make angry the torturers, they claimed this was to compromise the interrogator and cause them to make mistakes which will ruin the process. Today I've realised it was for something deeper, to make them engage with the present, to embrace their new reality, to keep them sane. While sitting in my cage my mind wandered, the wanderings my mind went on made my body feel even more confined, made my cell feel smaller, made me resent my present even more. I do not know how my mind worked this out, it was as if my God was whispering secrets of the universe, soothing my troubled soul, bringing me back to reality, A new guard came in, we soon struck up a similar deal where he let me know what was happening to the plant. He had told me that after the last chop the scientists had noticed some yellowing in the leaves, the leaves also had some black spots, the scientists were very concerned: after tests they decided to up its doses of calcium and magnesium, this apparently was helping a lot. Furthermore, they had agreed not to cut her heads off any more, but they would cut away lower and yellowing leaves. The clergy said it was to bring forward new and stronger life, much like clearing out of old household products, to make way for the new, that soon the God will show what rewards come of clearing out to make way for new. Their speech worried me, it was twisting every action to suit their corporate greed! Most people on Mars were little better than slaves, there was a fine line between affording the life they advertised and being indentured to the companies, having to work what they tell you just to be able to eat, then this place, I have seen people passing in the corridors, they take away people's rights in order to legitamise their experiments… experiments they have started performing on me. Since the guard killed himself, they began to care less about any information I had, they just threw me in with the others, so far the experiments have been light, new vaccines were tested on me to test their negative side effects, effects of which there were many, I still shiver thinking of those nights. However, hope still exists, someone is coming. It all happened, the guard cocked his head, like he does when his radio is going, then he ran out. From there I knew it was time, I felt the plant reaching out to me and I smiled. The door slid open and in walked a guard, an officer… No it was Defharo, and a woman dressed as a scientist. I knew it was time to leave, it was my ticket out of here. The woman was beautiful, still with hinted lines of a birth gender that was not her own, she walked with beauty and feline grace that comes from knowledge of the dancing arts, her eyes looking over the rims spoke of dark secrets that created a war of fear and fascination within me. Salvation came with these three as they dressed me as a guard and shepherded me out. We departed ways as I went with defharo and happy: the man dressed as a guard, they were taking me to a safe house in New Los Angeles, as it turns out the detention centre was halfway between New New Old Amsterdam and New Los Angeles. From the safe house I would have a small network of people already set up to help me monitor the plant and wait for an opportunity to save my Laughing God. The safe house was a hidden apartment in the basement of a tower block, it was simple, but far more comfortable than the cell I had spent a long time in. Soon I was introduced to some of the guards and scientists that had been infiltrated into the biodome I had once called home, the dome my plant still lived in. They informed me that the plant had been neglected recently, that the clergy were claiming that it was due to the uprising that the plant was apparently dying. My orders were simple, to feed the plant, to bring it back to life. This was accomplished secretly within hours, however, within those hours we heard that the riots had been disbursed, the media and clergy claimed this was because the people had repented and because of such the plant was again happy, typical correlative bullshit where they create a narrative to frame events which will better their cause. On the news sadly there was another big story, they had claimed that the leader of the resistance, was dead. Thank you funky people of the happy plant, we hope you have enjoyed this week's episode of "Tales from the Closet: The Laughing Martian God" brought to you in partnership with Mars Hydro: get stellar growth with the latest technology. Join us next week when we find out what will happen next! Notes: temperatures and humidity are still remaining stable, the temperature is still little higher than I prefer, but I feel so long as it isn't too high and remains within a narrow enough range things should be okay. The extra cal mag is helping, I've doubled the quantities she gets and there has been far less yellowing. Still want to get a PH reader for da science. There was an issue over the weekend where due to miscommunication the plant did not get watered, she wilted and it was freaking, however, after a quick watering she was back to normal in an hour or two. Next week is flowering, wish me luck! This week I used some art from one of my favourite artists Ken Currie, ofc I edited his work, if you like it check him out.

Welcome my ganja ghouls, welcome once again to my Closet, let me take all of you lovely people on a journey to Mars courtesy of Mars Hydro. Once we arrive we will rejoin Jobbie and his plant. Let us find out what happens next, last week we had good news with the rescue of our hero, but the apparent demise of his rescuer and of course his timely intervention saved his Godly plant from starvation: the ground shook with pleasurable mirth from the feeding and many were amazed. So let us find out what has happened in the closet since then! It has been three weeks (yes, time to break the 4th wall, it has been three weeks, time to get a schedule and quit my job, second job and sports), I know, I've been lazy. My entire focus has been ripped in so many directions, it feels like my mind has been torn by the wind of a tornado, with parts scattered every which way: once I heard the news we rushed to see what had happened, we arrived too late and found only a burned out wreckage, surrounding it were the many footprints of reporters and security services, it felt like all hope was lost. But what of her plant? What of the cult? We went to New New Old Amsterdam only to find a crowd of people standing outside, there was a ring of security services surrounding the club and in the gloomy window hung the dismembered plant. The Government had killed the plant because of me, I was sick. We stayed for a few nights to make contact, with anyone we could, but it seemed everyone was in a misery trance, they were all still shaken from the events they had witnessed. No one knew what was going on, only that there was to be a burning of the plant soon, and everyone was expected to attend. During our time away we kept contact with the underground network looking after the plant, we even managed to smuggle Alex in to refill out CO2 tanks, we still have no idea how that Alcoholic did it. At the burning ceremony I saw upon the podium the mastermind behind the evil deed, Dave stood there, radiant and triumphant, reveling in the disdainful deeds him and his lackeys carried out. The burning began, with it purple smoke surrounded everyone, then as one their eyes opened red and awake. It was the end of Dave, it was the end of the corporations meddling in that city. The face, the person that now took the pulpit after the overthrowing, none other than my saviour back from the dead, it was Bondage Barbara! After a week to help out we returned to New Los Angeles. It appeared that the light had changed a week ago, now the sun was at 80% but only shone for 12 hours a day, the plant seemed to react in a strange way, it grew taller and developed what Barbara had told me were strange alien flowers. My God was growing, developing, she almost filled the entire biodome, reaching higher, bigger, reaching for the sun in some form of worship we could only hope to fathom. We had instructed our spies to make sure her feeding regiment continued, we also had someone called Bendy Wendy smuggled in to do some magic bending, she tied the plant up in the most delicate and sensual way, opening my Laughing agod up to the light she craved so much. She said the plant would also need stakes to support big buds later, whatever did she mean by that? The feeding was intensified, more food and water for this God of Mars, over this period she ate and drank well fasting for the growth. She continued to grow, more and more, was this a god or a monster? Do all gods need to be also feared? The events of NNOA (New New Old Amsterdam, got tired of typing it out) shook the planet, every news broadcast talks of more unrest, the laughter in my brain starts up, the rebellion that the Purple Lemonade Cult started makes my God happy, were they somehow working together, or is it the plant has other plans in store. During this period of plant growth my God fed, my God grew and my God Laughed. It is beginning to scare me that this plant seems to know me so well, yet I know so little about it. Will we one day understand the plant's purpose, much like the cult got the Purple Lemonade message, will the Laughing Martian God let us know what is happening, what is its message? Thankyou Fiends of the Funky Fern, it appears that there is a mystery afoot, or is it aroot? What are the plants doing? What happened to the people of NNOA? What will the Government do next? Where is Earth in all this? Find out some answers of the plant allows it, next week thanks to Mars Hydro: start a revolution in your house today! Thank you and good night! Notes: three weeks of stretch, she grew a bit up and mostly out, the entire tent is pretty full now. Temperature is a little hot, but when growing in a Closet you have to expect heat… also my partner keeps the heating on, my extractor fan is a legend. The Light is now on full blast and going strong, the plant loves it! Over the three weeks feeding has gone crazy, she now drinks 4 litres when fed, feeding is 5 days a week then rest on the weekend for a dry time. Stakes were added as a place to help tie branches and give the canopy a decent shape so more light can reach more buds, a lot and a lot of ties were used. Shits getting real. The buds are tight and growing well, I'm excited to see how this develops the buds are tighter than normal, I like the branches not being too long but with plenty of bud sites. Well, see you next week!

Welcome my ganja ghasts, welcome to the Closet of growing, the Closet of Tales, welcome to "Tales from the Closet: The Laughing God of Mars", we hope you are ravenous with anticipation to hear the next part of our tale, things are certainly growing out of control for Jobbie! We would like to thank Mars Hydro for their love and assistance, may it bloom like, like some God might be blooming! On with the show! Things have been heating up, ever since the rebellion in NNOA the government has been out in force, every person they can conscript has been levied into a uniform, using the enticement of honour and social value, combined with a strong reinforced sentiment based on doing the right thing was leading the way and lighting the path for people to serve, behind them if they were not so eager was the stigma of being a coward or a traitor. Yesterday in New Los Angeles a man was harassed because they walked away from a recruiting officer, people actually spat at him for refusing to listen to the spiel. As for me, things are going as well as can be expected. The new hide out is basic, not very sanitary and often cold, but it will do, I'm an advanced mammal; I can use disinfectant and put on a sweater, no big issue there. My mind is healing day by day, soon I am hoping to make a journey outside, maybe even go and sneak in to see the… plant, feels blasphemy to speak that way, she is my diety, but it is still a plant, wtf is going on in my head. Access to the plant is easy, most of the people that spend time walking the biodome are clergy with the head of the centre being Archdiocese Bob, apparently a big deal, but from the surveillance footage we steal, he is obviously captivated by the plant, the same obsessed and crazed face others have had, others like… like Bill, the madness has him. Recently the madness has had me thinking, is this negative behaviour pattern we are seeing in some people who have proximity to the plant, is it the plant or some internal factor within them that breaks? Myself and many others do not show signs of this grinning madness. Recently we have been using the passes stolen for us by the underground to get food, water and anything else the Laughing God needs, the more we fulfil the plants desires, the more we hear its laugh. Most of the clergy don't have a clue about plants, so when the resistance infiltrates, they just ignore us, expecting us to be the scientists who are to look after the plant. Those scientists have been scarce lately, maybe the rumours have something to do with that. People in the organisation have been hearing rumours about the government destabilisation, that they are running scared, there are also these rumours we hear from space, things that are worrying: Earth is looking to try and invade, take back what they claim to be theirs. We have also noticed figures shadowing members, but they are elusive and difficult to catch, we are in a war, a war with the establishment, a war for the soul of Mars, then we have this other factor of Earth, maybe they are scoping the competition. It is a worrying time, we hold strong to our hope in the plant, that it has a message we need, that this message will somehow solve the conflict and free people. The plant has stopped growing towards the sky, she is instead growing fat, her flowers getting bigger with alien intentions for helping the people of Mars, or will it? Just because the last plant helped doesn't mean this one will, this thought worries me. We found a new gadget, a PH meter: apparently it is a great way to balance the requirements of the plant, so she is not getting the wrong acidity in the food: the first time we used it the laughter became clearer and more defined, she is happy, I am happy. Tomorrow, I will leave my den to try and infiltrate the biodome, I must see her, but it is risky! Wish me luck! Thank you watchers from beyond the Web, thank you for your patience, for your desire to delve into my demented mind! We Hope you have enjoyed this week's episode of "the Laughing God of Mars", brought to you by Mars Hydro! We Hope that these shadowing figures are not exhibit of poor portents for the plant, but we will only find out next week! Until then, we hope that whatever shadowy figures in your life will be removed and you will have a safe trip, Bye! Notes: temperatures are stable between 20 and 28 degrees, the humidity, well that is my latest fixation: it is getting into the 70s with the range between 50-72%, currently I am thinking of two things as a solution 1. Defoliating fan leaves, the major stretch has finished so they are not as important, also there is a lot of foliage, with this foliage I plan on adding it to soup: it is tasty and healthy! Watering schedule is going well, PH is between 6.1 and 6.2, no too bad, but a small improvement is possible. Feeding is heavy but already started taking some Nitrogen away this will help the acidity me thinks. Everything else is going well, she is buffing up and looking good, sugar leaves are filling with trichomes, I love this plant so much! Next week I will do some pole tying to give support to the stems so the buds can grow as big as they want. Thank you to everyone who reads my stories, I'm constantly working to improve my plants and writing, any tips, let me know!

Welcome grommies, and welcome to anyone who is not a cultivator, but instead a voyeur of plant cultivation. It is time for another chapter of "Tales from the Closet: The Laughing Martian God" brought to you by Mars Hydro, getting you stratospheric plants without having to be a billionaire. So far we have experienced the ups and downs of life on Mars that David Bowie warned us about, everything from restrictive regimes to clandestine cults. Last week we heard how Jobbie was planning to take plant matters into his own pious paws by infiltrating the grow biodome. Will he succeed? Will the reunion between man and celestial plant be a happy one? Will we ever find out more about Bondage Barbara… she is a fan favourite. Let us find out in this week's episode of "The Laughing God of Mars"! Infiltration was surprisingly easy, something however, that no one mentioned was that when you infiltrate, you actually need to do the job you are pretending to do, so I made it to the biodome illegally to work and they won't even give me a pension plan. I'm tired, working long shifts as a garden scientist has meant very little time for things like sleep, especially considering my spare time is spent helping to organise things outside of the Dome. An incident happened, there was an event that still has me in shock, about how my position became available in the first place. There was an issue with the plant, reports were that some leaves had started showing brown spots. After much research and help from the community (here's looking at you grodiaries community!) We found out that this was due to over feeding, but how? The regime was meant to be light, it was never supposed to be an issue. We watched footage of feeding schedules, there it was, Mike was feeding the plants more and more often than he was supposed to, the plant was showing the beginning signs of death by overfeeding, obesity for plants, the effects of so much fluids also showed negative signs for humidity, we looked to Mark, he was Mike's twin and worked closely with him, we asked him to sort it. I remember the freeze frame, the look on Mike's face, the look of mania, he had lost it and was grinning like a mad man. Later, Mark approached me and stretched out his bloody hand holding the access key, his hands were covered in blood and his eyes were glazed over like fresh frost on a newly frozen lake. He simply said "no one hurts her", then he walked away. We rectified the issue, risking higher humidity we flushed as many nutrients out as we could using plain water, then began feeding with half the dose. Praise Plant, she is doing better, her laughter, her mirth fills the void of my mind. Once I had infiltrated the belly of the beast, there were a few things that needed to be done in this week's work. First thing was some bending, Wendy had been teaching me her subtle arts, she told me the story of breaks at the cult, the vision of Mark's cold expression was stuck in my head, plant guide me. I defoliated some leaves to help light penetration and air circulation, my hands shook and worry filled me as the interaction with Mark replayed in my head again and again. Bamboo stakes were added to the side of the pot, this will be used as a support structure, Wendy told me that the flowers can get too big for the branch, so we need to support them as much as possible to make her happy. After this she got just a little water, not too much as we need her soil to dry out a bit. It was done, I was sweating, but I now felt more confident, full of hope that my fate would not be the same as Mike's. Before the week was done I decided to refill the CO2 augment bottles, so I added 6 dessert spoons of sugar to feed the yeast so they create CO2 for the plants, it isn't a huge amount, but it is better than nothing. The week came and went, each shift my journey to the biodome was shadowed by figures just out of sight, each day it seemed like they were getting closer but never within view. Who were these people? The rebellion was getting stronger, soon people from the security forces were beginning to give up, they saw it as pointless now that public support was growing for the cause. Bondage Barbara has become the figure head, she is the person most people look to, the cult of the purple Lemonade has transformed, it is now a Martian religion who worships the plants Mars has provided, waiting patiently for the message they bring from the ground. Waiting, wanting, hoping. Thank you people of pot, thank you beings of the bud, another week and another episode completed, we would of course like to thank Mars Hydro who supported this grow, remember, if you want to get higher than bezos's balls, grow with Mars Hydro. Join us next week for more "Tales from the Closet: The Laughing God of Mars", good night! Notes: welcome to the clip notes Defoliation, a bag of leaves were taken, during the same time I added bamboo sticks to hold up any drooping buds, did my last round of proper LST, the rest will just be maintenance. Seems to have worked in getting light in, but the humidity didn't drop too much. I've realised my madness got the better of me, started pushing the feeding hard, seemed like she was happy with it, until she wasn't, glad I noticed it early and got a second opinion from you lovely folks. Changed feeding and watering schedule after an 8 litre flush to test soil run off. That was fine. Water here is a nice 7.2ph feeding is around 6.2 or 6.3, it's going much better, love my PH reader. Refilled CO2 bottles with 6 dessert spoons of sugar, will be adding more on a more regular basis to push more CO2 out for bud development. This is pretty much it, with both defoliation nd changing the feeding schedule the Humidity is doing a lot better. Thank you for taking the time to read this, I try to include little things to thinkmabout in my stories, just to keep us all entertained.

Welcome Grommies of the Growdiaries, once again you visit my closet of happiness where illicit activities are undertaken, yes, it is not legal here yet, however as we have learnt in The Purple Lemonade Cult: changes are coming! Last week we saw the evidence of dastardly deeds in the form of fratricide of the closest degree, we also found out that our hero Jobbie had infiltrated the biodome and was getting used to working life again. This week in our delightful episode of “Tales from the Closet: The Laughing Martian God”, brought to you by Mars Hydro: the company to fulfill your intergalactic dreams for ingineouse growing, we might see who these shadow figures are, we might learn more about life in the dome, we may even learn how the rebellion is going… most importantly of all, we will learn how our God, the Martian God is growing, changing and communicating. So on with the show you filthy animals! The image of a bloody hand holding out a key card plays over and over in my mind, is it my hand, or the hand handing over control of the plant to the next in line, the one who will be responsible for cleaning up my mistakes, no one is perfect, only our ideals and visions of a future are perfect, the practice is often a pitiful deformed destiny that mirrors our own mortal mistaken form. Will I die simply for being human, then again, is that not what all of us do? Doomed to the fate of all humanity due to our mortal material, is this not the path of all things, playing out a pantomime of immortality while the sword of damocles hangs over us, looming, waiting for the fall.  Another day for defoliation, this was the first task of the week, a chain reaction of events all starting from a destiny of worship from one thing to another: the sun worships the reactions that gives it life, the plant worships the sun whoes worship gives the plant life, life from reaching up for its rays, creating leaves to take up any space that it might collect light, we worship the plant and will do anything to help it reach its goal.  Cut after cut, careful precision in an intricate system of stems, looking for that leaf which will receive no light and therefore be a poor investment of energy for the plant, taking those leaves and processing them into something useful, soup again. Hard times for the revolution, so we use whatever we can to feed ourselves, it has become apparent that making such grand gestures as visible tattoos created issues for many as they are now banned from corporate establishments, food is a little scarce, but we make do. Each leaf I cut helps my mind settle into a pattern of thought, gentle and meditative, like the plant is humming in the back of my mind, understanding now that these processes are important for it to get more of what it wants. A lesson of magnitude it teaches me, maybe Mark was like some of these leaves, not right, not a sound investment and likely to cost the movement valuable resources and even create disaster; like some sort of mold or pest, eating at the healthy plant, in this situation Mike had to do the hard thing, he had to cut the leaf away. She was stable, but during the week there seemed to be more yellowing on some of the top leaves, the PH seemed fine, we did a flush with many liters of water (6 liters), tested the run off and it was 6.4, then ran two more through with some calmag to help with the most common deficiency, time with all things, will be the teller of destiny's story.  I am just happy that the issue with humidity has been sorted, only at night has it been any form of an issue, this might need the dehumidifier being switched on at night, during the day it was switched off as humidity levels plummeted to 33% which is not the best environment… look at me, not too long ago my job was looking at rocks for alien life forms, now my mind is full of facts and knowledge about plants and growing, if this isn't worship then call me insane. The revolution is at that stand point in time, where it is growing, but hopefully not too big so the roots and stem cannot support it, maybe it will need support from another source, but where? Still we are shadowed, recently there has been reports of people going missing, people from the rebellion. What in Ganja is going on? The last of this week has been a routine, each step of cultivating my deity in response to its communications for certain things, dry soil, was needing moisture, leaves falling off means there are leaves needing moved or cut.  It has been hard fitting into the fake job, doing all I can for a reason the job does not fathom, but we work in the shadows that our God might get the light and sustenance it requires, all to hear its laughter in my head… where is the line? When does this become less about the plant and more about my desire to please? I fear they are on to me, they are following, there are shadows everywhere, but we are close, she is blooming! And so with that cryptic finish we leave Jobbie, we leave with more questions than answers, but is this not the nature of dialectical learning? Maybe, maybe not. Thank you to all of you, our lovely community who help encourage and support our insane ventures! Thank you also to Mars Hydro for being a light in our life.  Till next week my lovely growmies, go with ganja and be the grower you want to be, as you never know when the ever present sword hanging over you will begin to fall.  Notes: Sunday 11th: 40-72% 21-29c° defoliated, tried to get more light through. 2ltr: 1ml biogro 2ml calmag 4ml bloom 4ml heaven ph 6.4 Monday 12th: 37-65% 19-29c°  Tuesday 13th: 500ml plain water.  Wednesday 14th: 33-52% 23-29c° 6 litre at ph7.3 in, run off ph6.4. 2 litres with 2ml calmag to finish.  Thursday 15th: 33-67% 20-29c° looking good!  Friday 16th: 48-69% 19-25c° still damp  Saturday 17th: 40-69% 19-28c° 2litre 1ml gro 2ml top 2ml cal 3ml bloom 3ml heaven ph 6.4  High temperatures are often from not opening the tent in the morning, the cupboard is small and well insulated. Most of the day she is around 50% so i'm not too worried about humidity, have started putting dehumidifier on during the evening just to be safe, we will see. Her flowers are getting bigger. Good week so far, thank you everyone who reads this, you have my heart! 💜💚

Week 19 Hello to the hell raisers of hemp, welcome once again to another episode of Tales from the Closet, we hope you have been helping your healing plants grow, once again friends we are delving into our story of “The Laughing God of Mars”, brought to you by Mars Hydro: for higher yields without high prices, grow with Mars Hydro! As the plant grows we know it will soon come to a close, so without further ado, let us learn what delights we have this week. It feels like my mind is fragmenting, that things are become less and less cohesive as days march on, this week has been no better as the net of paranoia closes in on me, the shadows gather and begin to envelop my field of vision, the same question keps playing in my mind: how the hell did I end up here? Yet, here I am. The week has been normal, a constant inward spiral of events that repeat to a center point of which I do not comprehend, soon things will all change and I can feel it, but there is no way for me to know where it is going. I have been looking at all the events around me: the disappearances, the threat of Earth, the revolution and the plant, none of it makes much sense yet, it seems to be connected, or is that just my brain feeding off the paranoia. The plant got more defoliation at the start of the week, it is an odd experience but there is a pattern: the plant is silent during the trimming, it doesn't seem to be happy with the practice, but then when it is next fed or watered or trained, the plants laughter seems somehow louder and happier, as though the process acts as a catalyst to make the plant stronger and better. More ties to the bottom were taken off when defoliating, more branches were tied then to the stakes to hold up her flowers, they are still growing and maturing, most of the white hairs are turning amber in color, she is ripening. The plant has been fed intermittently, no desire in me to become the next victim in a bloody line of events leading to the plants proper care and wellbeing. The Ph of feed is 4.4 and water is still 7.4, she is still getting more yellow leaves, a sign from the plant, a message, this might be why during the week I have felt more and more like things were coming to an end. Every day it is just another day in a cycle, not too much happens, yet each day I feel more and more tense with what is going on, still the stand still between revolution and government, still tense times and more disappearances. So many questions we cannot answer. We are fine for food now, we even had the ability to celebrate an old tradition of Festivities at this time, with feasting and partying, yet my brain was still occupied and mostly what my body wanted to do was sleep with the time of rest allotted to me. So sleep I must, for tomorrow is another day. Another day in the cycle. Like a spiral of events the shadows get closer, brazen with the knowledge of my fear and inability to stop them. Maybe my destiny is to join them in the shadows, maybe the shadow will take me and there will be nothing left. I just want to plant to be okay, each day the desire to hear its laughter one more time. One more day, one more laugh. Before the shadow takes me. Thank you all for joining us on this quick update, stay tuned for another episode of Tales from the Closet: The Laughing God of Mars, brought to you by Mars Hydro. Just a quick one, the holiday season is a weird one for me personally, but things are going well in the tent.

Welcome Masters of the Marijuana methods, welcome once again to my closet where the deeds of dope growing take place, once again rest your weary souls, take a hit and relax for another episode of “Tales from the Closet: The Laughing God of Mars”, brought to you by our friends Mars Hydro, the inexpensive light to make your grow go! Rest assured the end is in sight as the seemingly nefarious shadows close in, we will see what becomes of Jobbie and the new Martian Religion. The rebellion has picked up again, a new tactic is holding mass protests in the streets, forever it has been the tactic of controlling powers to attempt a strangle on any interference, whether it be along racial lines, beliefs or simply the economy of monopolies. Strangle and suffocate, till the last breath of resistance is wiped out and no one stands in your path, this disgusting practice needs to be held to account, so we protest, we raise awareness to our cause, as such more people join. As for me, my work continues in the shadows, it continues in order to help my God grow and develop, and there has been no end of developments. The plant is looking good, but I have noticed that the trichomes are going from cloudy to amber, maybe the plant is trying to communicate the amber light, that it is time to slow my methods, so she has been taken off of food. Soon something will happen, we just have to wait until that occurs, now that she is all tied up and the flowers are formed with a nice frosted coating, maybe the next step is here, but what is the next step? My brain still downs in paranoia, the shadow men get closer, they are everywhere I go now, What do they want? People say that they do not see them, but is that me having psychological issues, or can they just not see them, even though someone who is colour blind cannot see a certain colour, does not mean that it does not exist. The environment of the Mars Hydro Biodome are near perfect, the plant is getting an ideal 12 hours of high quality light covering all the needed spectrums for growth, the heat and humidity are well within range and the plant seems happy, its laughter is the loudest we have ever heard, yes I say we, as everyone in in the Cult agrees that they hear the call of our God, the rest just pretend that they cannot hear it. Another week done, walking home from work, another week closer to death, another day finished. Life is like the wheel, a never ending cycle: sometimes we go up, sometimes we go down, often it feels like we are going backwards before being catapulted forward into the unknown, but rest assure my friends, it is always going down the road of life, an unstoppable journey to the next thing after life, whatever that might or might not be. I tried to distract myself by keeping my mind on the amber trichomes. The plant is trying to say something but I feel it is too early for what should happen, but the plant is always right and knows what it needs. My mind snaps back into the reality around me, an acute awareness of being watched hits me as I approach a corner near where my hidden base of operations exists, ahead of me there are Shadow people, three of them standing at the corner, each turns to stare with unseen eyes at me, I rush round the corner only to be met face to face with another; yet even this close, features are invisible and instead I see only the outline of shadow. The fear hides the sound of footsteps, the panic almost numbs the prick of a needle in my neck, then, then it is just darkness, I enter darkness and out the other side all that greets me, is Darkness. Thank you once again to the generosity of Mars Hydro for the gift of light, the plants are happy with it and so is my energy bill. We leave you here on a knife's edge of unknowing, what will happen to Jobbie, what will happen to the plant? Find out next week what has happened in another delightful episode of “Tales from the Closet: The Laughing God of Mars”, Good night, sleep tight and don't let the plant bugs bite. Notes: So a quick one, from where I was counting the plant was not due to be harvested any time soon, another couple of weeks in fact, When I first saw some amber I just thought that was on some outside buds that likely got agitated and matured early, but now, they are popping up everywhere: when the plant says something, it is right, straight away it was flushed with 9 liters of water, then a few days after around 10 liters, she needed to come down, so down she will come soon, I am sad though, this experiment will be over and it was fun, but let us see what results we have and adjust our future techniques for a better tomorrow. I'm actually worried that ive taken the plant down early, but Amber was taking over the trichomes and had me worried, just figured it was because of all the stress and shitty upbringing that it was ready to go so early... maybe a lesson there. Extra note: let us all agree not to talk about how this is actually week 8 of flower and not six... nothing to see here, just move along and wait till next episode. Lots of love, bye!

Week 21 Welcome my wonderful audience, welcome once again to my closet of cultivation for another episode of Tales from the Closet: The Laughing God of Mars, brought to you by Mars Hydro, for a pro grow go with Mars Hydro! Last week our hero Jobbie was introduced to the darkness he feared, the plant was showing signs of the end and indeed, this story only has a few episodes left, so to help us decide what to do next, let me know whether you want more stories or would you rather we go back to writing scientific reports for growing. I await your replies and if you decide to ignore this request, then may you be cursed with a terrible trip, wouldn’t curse your grow, love the plant too much. Now let us descend into the Darkness where Jobbie awaits us. After an unknown amount of time I awoke to a snap, this was not a sound from around me, it was something in my mind that had snapped, a loss of communication to the divine, the place of happiness in my head that it would normally inhibit was now devoid of anything, it felt like a house you had known occupied with friends now lying empty with no sign of the happiness once held within. Everything around me was pitch black, it was of a mild temperature if I was to guess, it was around 20c. I sat on the hard ground, my body ached from lying on it, it took a few minutes for me to realize my eyes would not adjust to the darkness, it is impossible to adjust to something that you cannot work in. my hands searched around me for something to indicate where I was, there they found a wet patch on the ground, and something dripping from above on to it, reaching up to find the source of this water my hand touched something hanging from the sealing, immediately I recoiled, there was a sense of familiarity to the touch, so reaching out again my hand grasped the long item that was hanging, then the back of my hand brushed another one, there were many hanging. My hand came back sticky from investigating, lazily my mind searched for the answer my subconscious already knew, the smell is what gave it away, that sticky smell of my plant, my God, just hanging there, ripped branch from branch, dripping water used to wash it. Horror poured through me, my mind spun and my stomach flipped; it was dead, no more laughter would be heard, it felt like I would never be happy ever again, the laughter was gone from the world, it hung dead above me. It was obvious they intended to do the same thing that they had done in New New Old Amsterdam, they would burn it in a big ceremony, likely this time without all the religious stuff as that had become less prevalent in the government's broadcasts. So in darkness I sat, occasionally they would put food through a hatch, but this was not anything regular as far as I could tell, a few times out of boredom I counted while waiting, but with only a few attempts it came to my realization that there was no uniform to the frequency they put food through. This was a form of torture that the state used, complete deprivation of all senses and normality, it was designed to drive people mad with boredome and frustration, likely they had some sort of night vision camera watching me, the sick bastards. The funny thing was, being in the shadows meant that I no longer feared them, it became like a blanket that hid me from the world, that now, I could relax into; with this relaxation the grieving process could begin. 0000000000000000000000000000000000000 ..524. mk,./íí . .0 (My cat decided to write something, I have kept it in) Loss is one of the most powerful things we can endure, everyone says that Love is the most powerful emotion, but this emotion is only a powerful motivator when it forces us to do something, for the rest, it is rather emotive, it is the womb ourselves crawl into and feel safe. Loss is the opposite, it rips us out kicking and screaming, forces us into a world that is unfamiliar to us and says “swim or die”, we can often be crippled entirely by loss and just die slowly hiding from the things that scare us, the fear of losing again, but as my grief washed over me my mind began to realize that this is just another experience in life, nature giveth and nature taketh away, and she doesn't care as this is her way. As my body and mind experienced the natural waves of grief come and go, my mind once again began to heal back stronger, instead of waiting for another wave to batter me, it was time to plunge into life and push to the other side of grief, to find out what happens when I fight my way out. Thank you friends of the world wide weed! We have once again delved into the closet and come out the other side into another black hole, we hope you have enjoyed this harvest special, soon we will have the results of the smoke test and have the actual weight up for all to see this devilish prize! Until next time, Hail Mars Hydro the light that makes dreams grow. Good NIght! Notes: 36 hours in Darkness before the chop, branches mostly were shaped like a wishbone so hanging was easy, did a bud wash to keep her nice and clean, loads of shit came off as per usual. She hung in the tent with no light for two weeks until branches snapped and not that bendy thing. Happy so far but I am learning a lesson about where to cut, how many branches and how to maximise light exposure. Tent conditions were 50-60% humidity and 18-20c. Second Note: Took a week off cause my mind was in a dark place, feeling much better, sorry for the distance, it's not you, it's me! Also left my tablet at a friends which has my grow stuff on it so no fancy photos... but, having done my first computer upload... this is way easier, might have to change my platform.